John Waters already eclipsed Christmas morning, dystopian Norman Rockwell visions and anything really cool I might have hoped to get. An evening of Mr. Waters turning sentiment inside-out was priceless. If you didn't make it, I'm not sharing any of the fun you missed, but will rub it in. You missed it. You missed Christmas as only a Waters admirer could appreciate it. Well okay, updated gay hipsterisms exposed for what they are (hipsterisms) and visions of a savage-yet-lovely Christmas, shared as though Doug Stanhope had somehow gone off the deep end and come out looking like a genteel fellow. There is really no way to express my delight at this intimate glimpse into the creative genius holding court. I tried. You missed.it. I'm sorry.. (Oh, and you missed the beautiful Birchmere parking lot cats, as well). You're pathetic. I, on the other hand, am blessed.